Engagement vs. Estrangement

Well, I finally did it. You know, "it." I am now no longer considered a boyfriend. I am a fiance. And I have one too. I am a betrothed man.

Who would have thought that I would be jumping face first into the real world? In a few short months, I will be beginning sentences with "my wife..." (My wife has an inner ear infection.) I will be thinking about purchasing real estate. I will be discussing family plans for cell phones. And family rated insurance. And retirement funds. And my children's college education. And what matches the drapes. And dining sets. And his and her sinks. And titles. And deeds. And other words that have previously been useless to me.

People like me should not be allowed to get married. We should be caged and disciplined until we are finally capable and mature. People like me prefer to launch water balloons at unsuspecting cattle than to iron shirts. We prefer throwing food to preparing it. We would rather destroy than build. And vandalize than decorate. We would rather sleep in till noon than get up and work. We prefer grape juice to coffee. We prefer comics to the newspaper. They have a term for people like me. It is called "children."

And here I am getting married. Kathryn Drinkard is her name. And she is in for a good time ahead. Well, let's hope. For her sake.