I live in a toilet. Seriously. This place is a dump. My entire place is caving in at the middle, making a nice slant-like decline in my room. I am afraid that it will collapse soon. Raccoons scurry about. Poison Ivy crawls up the back side of the house. The foundation is so bad that doors are getting harder to close. The bathtub is caked in brown mold. The electricity is unbelievably unpredictable. There is absolutely no insulation so if it is hot outside, it is an oven inside and if it is cold outside, it is a freezer inside. There are patches of wood on the floor that are so torn up and squeeky, I avoid stepping on them out of fear that I will fall through to the floor below. My mailbox is nailed to the dilapitated wood ouside, dangling precariously by a single nail. Because of the rotten foundation, there are actually holes in the house where the windows are bent downwards, letting in all kinds of fun uninvited insects (mosquitos and wasps mostly).
But don't get me wrong, I love it here. Well, love is a bit strong. Maybe strongly like. No, that's a bit too strong too. Let's just say that I like it here. Now, come to think of it, it is more like hate. Hate is the most appropriate term. I hate it here. Let's be honest, people, living in a toilet can have ramifications on your welfare. If you are not happy at home, you are not happy. If a man's home is in disarray, so is his heart, so I've heard. And I believe the rumors. That is why I am hoping to be out of here in December when my roommate gets married.
Oh wait, I almost forgot, Yeah, there is no real estate in Baton Rouge because of Katrina. Hmm, that poses a problem doesn't it? And it's not like people want to move into a new place with me because after all, I'm moving out in April. No one likes a roomie to split three months into a new lease. And so my options are this: move in with somebody and pay rent for a few months (which poses a whole new set of concerns) or stay here. Here, in the toilet.
Conundrum? Oh yes. Sort of like the title to this post.
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4 comments:
you could move back into the butte. ooh, or better yet, move into the shed and sleep in a sleeping bag. ooh ooh ooh, or into the storm cellar. i love the butte.
Rodney McSandwich
matt, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. you far underestimated how disgusting your bathtub is. the word brown is a bit indiscriminate, its more along a spectrum from green --- brown.
easily the most disgusting bathtub EVER
"But don't get me wrong, I love it here.... Maybe strongly like.... Let's just say that I like it here. Now, come to think of it, it is more like hate."
Reminds me of Dust Bunny. Why do you do the things you do, why do you creep into my room?
If you ever want your fiance or fiancee or however many e's she wants to visit you, you should probably get out of there.
Happy Birthday, Matty.
Were I near you, it'd be milkshakes and milk pops all night long...
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