Cartoony Kathryn.
Mushroomy Matt.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A Manifesto of Sorts
We went up to Washington and Lee this weekend in Lexington, VA to visit Kathryn's old school. There is an actual intersection of streets there: Washington and Lee. You simply walk up Washington Rd. until you hit Lee Way (or something like that) and you are standing at Washington and Lee. I made a LOT of jokes about that. Everytime we were at that intersection I'd say, "Hey Kathryn, guess where we are? We are at Washington and Lee." She wasn't too amused. And after the 10th time I did it, I was more amused with her non-amusement of it.
---
They should call it Thanksgorging. Because that is what I will be doing in a few days - Thanksgorging.
---
I was looking at a recipe yesterday and the recipe called for a "sprig" of parsley. Is that a made-up word? Sprig. Sounds like something I would make up. I think it is a combo of stem and twig. It isn't big enough to be a stem, but too big to be a twig - hence sprig. Maybe people who only eat sprigs can call this week Thankssprigging, instead of Thanksgorging. Happy Thankssprigging.
---
We drove through a snow storm yesterday. I can't remember the last time I saw snow. It has certainly been a while.
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Why are raisins so disgusting? I like grapes and wine, but am not a fan of the raisin. And don't get me wrong - I love dried fruit. Just not the raisin. I would rather Thanksgorge on sprigs than raisins.
---
They should call it Thanksgorging. Because that is what I will be doing in a few days - Thanksgorging.
---
I was looking at a recipe yesterday and the recipe called for a "sprig" of parsley. Is that a made-up word? Sprig. Sounds like something I would make up. I think it is a combo of stem and twig. It isn't big enough to be a stem, but too big to be a twig - hence sprig. Maybe people who only eat sprigs can call this week Thankssprigging, instead of Thanksgorging. Happy Thankssprigging.
---
We drove through a snow storm yesterday. I can't remember the last time I saw snow. It has certainly been a while.
---
Why are raisins so disgusting? I like grapes and wine, but am not a fan of the raisin. And don't get me wrong - I love dried fruit. Just not the raisin. I would rather Thanksgorge on sprigs than raisins.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Whole Lotta Shakin' (and Noddin') Goin' On
While reading an article this morning, I came across a sentence that left me a bit confused. It read, "Now, if you are a parent, you are probably shaking your head." I've heard the expression 'shaking your head' before, but I always get tripped up as to whether it means moving it back and forth to respond negatively or moving it up and down to respond affirmatively. I asked Kathryn what it meant when I read it. She said that when you shake your head, you are actually moving it back and forth (side to side). It means you disagree. She said there was a distinction between nodding and shaking. Nodding = yes. Shaking = no.
But herein lies the confusion. When I "shake" someone's hand, I grip it and then gently shake it up and down. Not side to side. When I "shake" a bottle of orange juice to stir up the pulp, I shake it up and down. Not side to side. When I shake a rock out of my shoe - up and down.
Ahh but when I shake a package to see if I can tell what its contents may be without opening it...I shake it side to side. Not up and down. And when I make homemade milk shakes, I stir up the milk and ice cream with a spoon by going from side to side. NOT up and down. When I shake someone from their sleep - I try to rouse them by moving them from side to side. Not up and down.
And then there are certain shakes that don't go up and down OR side to side. They go sort of back to front. Like when I shake my fist at someone. And there are certain shakes that I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Like when someone tells me that something will happen in "two shakes of a lamb's tail." Now that is just simply odd.
With all this shaking going on, how am I to interpret a line in an article that reads, "If you are a parent, you are probably shaking your head"? Is that back and forth shaking? Side to side shaking? Back to front shaking? Lamb-tail-shaking?
And furthermore....what is nodding all about? I can nod in approval. I can also nod off to sleep. But can I nod an orange juice bottle? Can I nod a rock out of my shoe? Can I drink a milk nod? Can I nod a lamb's tail?
But herein lies the confusion. When I "shake" someone's hand, I grip it and then gently shake it up and down. Not side to side. When I "shake" a bottle of orange juice to stir up the pulp, I shake it up and down. Not side to side. When I shake a rock out of my shoe - up and down.
Ahh but when I shake a package to see if I can tell what its contents may be without opening it...I shake it side to side. Not up and down. And when I make homemade milk shakes, I stir up the milk and ice cream with a spoon by going from side to side. NOT up and down. When I shake someone from their sleep - I try to rouse them by moving them from side to side. Not up and down.
And then there are certain shakes that don't go up and down OR side to side. They go sort of back to front. Like when I shake my fist at someone. And there are certain shakes that I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Like when someone tells me that something will happen in "two shakes of a lamb's tail." Now that is just simply odd.
With all this shaking going on, how am I to interpret a line in an article that reads, "If you are a parent, you are probably shaking your head"? Is that back and forth shaking? Side to side shaking? Back to front shaking? Lamb-tail-shaking?
And furthermore....what is nodding all about? I can nod in approval. I can also nod off to sleep. But can I nod an orange juice bottle? Can I nod a rock out of my shoe? Can I drink a milk nod? Can I nod a lamb's tail?
Monday, November 06, 2006
It's the Freakin' Weekend, Baby I'm About to Have Me Some Fun
Our weekend was action packed. You could say it was "action-stuffed," even. Or maybe even "action-loaded," like extra cheese pumped into the crust or something.
Friday: I went to a men's retreat with my church in Black Mountain, NC. It was a great time to be had. Made me think, made me feel, made me vulnerable. The interesting part about it was actually getting there. The retreat center was two hours away from Charlotte, around Asheville. When we ended up in Tennessee, we knew we had missed a turn somewhere. When we stopped to ask where I-40 was (the next turn that we were looking for), the grizzled old man at the diner told me it is about 100 miles away. Needless to say, our 2 hour trip turned into a 6 hour tour through the mountains of Tennessee. We arrived to the retreat center at 8, missed dinner, and were thoroughly frustrated. But the retreat turned out to be wonderful.
Meanwhile, Kathryn and a friend of hers were house-sitting (The concept of house-sitting warrants a blog all to itself. Is house-sitting really necessary? Come on, people). The parents went away for the weekend and left their 17 year old son behind to take the SATs on Saturday. No big deal. Easy cheesy. Kathryn and her friend got ripped out of sleep at 3 in the morning by the college kid (the older brother) who decided to drive home that night from school and didn't happen to have a key. I'm not sure whether or not he knew his parents were out of town that weekend. Everything worked out fine that night, it just freaked out the girls to hear yelling and pounding on the door in a big weird house they don't know at 3 in the morning.
Saturday: I arrive from the Men's retreat that afternoon and meet up with Kathryn. We bring some food over to the house where we are "sitting" and sit down to a nice, quiet dinner while the 17 year old is in the back house watching football with his two buddies. The older, college brother had told Kathryn that morning that he would be heading back to school that afternoon. So we had the place to ourselves. Or...so we thought. As we sit down to eat, we hear a thud upstairs. Not knowing the particular sounds of the house, we ignored it, only to hear it again. Someone was certainly in the house. We cautiously went upstairs to locate the noise, only to find the college kid in his room...with a girl. And yep, he answered the door in only a towel. Not good. We gave him a stern talking to, only to discover that the poor girl's father had just had a heart attack. So we couldn't be overly upset. We sent them on their way. Then Kathryn went out to the back house to check on the 17 year old. His two friends had somehow mutated into 15, girls included, with a mini-fridge stuffed with Miller Lite. We cleared out the beer, threatened to shut down the party, and received a lot of not-so-friendly looks from the high schoolers. The party ended at 12:00. The next day, both boys apologized...I think when they realized that we would be updating their parents about all of the events.
Good grief. We were supposed to be HOUSE sitting. Not TEENAGER sitting. I think we have learned the hard way that when we accept house sitting gigs from here on out that we must demand that the only thing that will be sat upon will be the house. No naked teenagers. No parties. No beer. Just houses.
Friday: I went to a men's retreat with my church in Black Mountain, NC. It was a great time to be had. Made me think, made me feel, made me vulnerable. The interesting part about it was actually getting there. The retreat center was two hours away from Charlotte, around Asheville. When we ended up in Tennessee, we knew we had missed a turn somewhere. When we stopped to ask where I-40 was (the next turn that we were looking for), the grizzled old man at the diner told me it is about 100 miles away. Needless to say, our 2 hour trip turned into a 6 hour tour through the mountains of Tennessee. We arrived to the retreat center at 8, missed dinner, and were thoroughly frustrated. But the retreat turned out to be wonderful.
Meanwhile, Kathryn and a friend of hers were house-sitting (The concept of house-sitting warrants a blog all to itself. Is house-sitting really necessary? Come on, people). The parents went away for the weekend and left their 17 year old son behind to take the SATs on Saturday. No big deal. Easy cheesy. Kathryn and her friend got ripped out of sleep at 3 in the morning by the college kid (the older brother) who decided to drive home that night from school and didn't happen to have a key. I'm not sure whether or not he knew his parents were out of town that weekend. Everything worked out fine that night, it just freaked out the girls to hear yelling and pounding on the door in a big weird house they don't know at 3 in the morning.
Saturday: I arrive from the Men's retreat that afternoon and meet up with Kathryn. We bring some food over to the house where we are "sitting" and sit down to a nice, quiet dinner while the 17 year old is in the back house watching football with his two buddies. The older, college brother had told Kathryn that morning that he would be heading back to school that afternoon. So we had the place to ourselves. Or...so we thought. As we sit down to eat, we hear a thud upstairs. Not knowing the particular sounds of the house, we ignored it, only to hear it again. Someone was certainly in the house. We cautiously went upstairs to locate the noise, only to find the college kid in his room...with a girl. And yep, he answered the door in only a towel. Not good. We gave him a stern talking to, only to discover that the poor girl's father had just had a heart attack. So we couldn't be overly upset. We sent them on their way. Then Kathryn went out to the back house to check on the 17 year old. His two friends had somehow mutated into 15, girls included, with a mini-fridge stuffed with Miller Lite. We cleared out the beer, threatened to shut down the party, and received a lot of not-so-friendly looks from the high schoolers. The party ended at 12:00. The next day, both boys apologized...I think when they realized that we would be updating their parents about all of the events.
Good grief. We were supposed to be HOUSE sitting. Not TEENAGER sitting. I think we have learned the hard way that when we accept house sitting gigs from here on out that we must demand that the only thing that will be sat upon will be the house. No naked teenagers. No parties. No beer. Just houses.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Forwards and Backwards
Everyone gets ridiculous forwards from people. Be it your aunt, your not-so-close friend, or your friends' parents. For me, it is my mother likes to forward me things. We are close enough to where I can calmly tell her to stop on many occasions. To her credit, she has cut back - especially on the cheesy Christian forwards that beseech me to forward it all of my friends less I lose my eternal security. But she did happen to send one that was not only humorous but blog worthy. Here tis:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we
know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when
they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are
four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you
use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
with hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it
up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum
one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end
on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams your
ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing
so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't
all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid
idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to
knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as
it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
four persons are suffering from some sort of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we
know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when
they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are
four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you
use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
with hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it
up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum
one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end
on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams your
ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing
so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't
all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid
idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to
knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as
it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
four persons are suffering from some sort of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.
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