Fat Bottomed Christmas

Every now and then (and again), I get somewhat obsessed with a particular song and listen to it as many times as I have access to it. For example, this past Spring was the inauguration of my "Shins" phase, where I mostly listened to their song "Australia" over and over and yet over once more again. At one point in my life, the song on repeat was the New Kids' "Step by Step." (Step One, we can have lots of fun) I can't say that I am proud of that one (or two...or step three). But as it is, for this Christmas season, the song that has selected me (I would have never selected this on my own) is Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls," their 1978 release dedicated to...well....girls with fat bottoms (this is the fifth parenthetical aside in this paragraph).

Apparently Fat Bottomed Girls are worthy of serenading because they "make the rockin' world go round." I suppose this was the case back in 1978. I'm not sure when large-bottomed women stopped making the rockin' world go round but I know that they certainly don't make it spin anymore. I'm not all that sure what is currently making the rockin' world go round, but I'm fairly certain it is no longer girls with fat bottoms. It's probably heroin or something like that. I do know that fat bottomed girls were at least making the rappin' world go round in 1992 when Sir Mix-a-lot announced to the world that he liked "big butts." Maybe the fat bottomed girls made a genre switch from the rockin' world to the rap world. And I would venture to say that they may be in fact still makin' that world go round.

The B-side to Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" was a song called "Bicycle Race" where Freddy Mercury sung over and over that "all he wants to do is ride his bicycle." And he wants to ride his bike "where he likes." This is all he wants to do. He gives it to you straight. His bare and honest confession is that all he wants out of life is simply to be able to ride his bicycle wherever he would like to ride it. No restrictions. No parks with closing times. No bike trails roped off. All he wants to do is ride his bike. Wherever he would like. A simple life pursuit. A catchy song. And a really sad song if you think about it.

So for this Christmas as we gather around the ornamented tree with egg nog filling our glass and yuletide cheer filling our heart, we'll be singing "Fat Bottomed Girls" and "Bicycle Race" alongside of the traditional holiday hymns like "O Holy Night" and "O Come All Ye Faithful." Fat Bottomed Girls are makin' the holidays go round for me this year.

Merry Fat Bottomed Christmas.