Ant Hills and other thoughts

So I find myself at someone else's lakehouse this weekend with a group of people (none of whom I had met before) and down by the dock was a large, red ant hill. This thing was the World Trader Center of ant hills. It probably came up to my knee. Now of course my first instinct was to smash it and stand back and watch the frenzy, but because I was with people I didn't know, I was a bit insecure with what they would think of this childish behavior. (People who own lake houses probably frown on immaturity, I'm guessing.) So I refrained from my impulse.

The few moments I stood over the hill going back and forth whether or not I should demolish the ant fortress gave me time to reflect on the larger subject, that is, what is it about people, or at least me, that wants to destroy things when I can and when there is no significant consequences? Why was destruction my first impulse? Without arriving at any conclusions then and there, I pondered what other things I want to destroy when I get a hold of them.

Empty glass bottles. My first impulse is to throw them onto concrete and watch them shatter into pieces.

Broken appliances. Old microwaves and stereos that are of no use to me should be demolished and gutted rather than tossed in a trashcan or placed on the side of the road in my opinion.

CDs that malfunctioned on me halfway through being burned. I bend them and try to snap them. Or I toss them like frisbees. I never gently place them in the trashcan.

Pieces of paper. We don't gently place them in the trash, no, we crinkle and crunch them into a ball and then throw them into the trash.

Bubble wrap. I must pop every bubble. I must make the already worthless thing useless. I never think to reuse it.

Leaves and blades of grass. Whenever I am sitting Indian style on a lawn or in a park you will find me meticulously ripping leaves and blades of grass to shreds. Why I do this, I don't know.

The list could go on. And more could be added about fire and my impulse to burn things around me whenever the opportunity presents itself to hand me a lighter.

I never did arrive at any sort of conclusion as to why I'm/we're driven by destruction. And I never did smash that ant hill but I regret it now. The sight of seeing those thousands of ants panic in pissed off hysteria and try and make sense of why their high rise apartment complex was destroyed would have been incredible. I probably would have done it with a stick. And as I walked away, I most likely would have split the stick in half over my knee.