Poison I.V. Part Deaux

I'm on day 5 with the poison ivy. Day 5. That is five days of looking like an ogre and feeling like my skin is crawling. I made a decision. My decision was this - I am going to write a blog about my thoughts/hatred for poison ivy until it goes away. This is part two of the series. I will keep you informed of my progress.

I was with a student the other night and we were looking at my arms, which currently resemble more of a pepperoni casserole than they do real arms. Ok, so there might not be pepperoni casserole but you can imagine. He said that a friend of his bound up some poison ivy with other foilage for a bonfire. You've seen people do this before. It is like burning trash. You've seen it. Trust me. So the guy burns it. And he inhales the fumes from the oil from the poison ivy. And his throat breaks out and swells up. He can't breathe. He is rushed to the emergency room.

OK, so what is up with this f&#^in' plant? It is determined to harm any and everyone in its wake. But of course, its crappy defense mechanism doesn't work until a few days later. One bright commenter (Luke) wrote that its defense mechanism is for the corporate plant at large. You know, like maybe you won't mess with its brothers and sisters. This is complete nonsense. For now I have more of a desire than I had before to kill them. The rage that boils with every scratch is directed toward the living counterparts of this diabolical plant. It must die. It must.

And here's the thing, I wasn't intentionally messing with it in the first place. I was doing some yard work around my house to pull down the vines that are growing up on the walls. I wasn't out to get it. It was just there, mixed in with the vines and weeds I was removing. And it unleashed its wrath on me. And I have been in pain for days. Pain. Not to mention the fact that I look like a freak. I am a mutant freak. My swollen eye has gone down some, only to give rise to the thousands of red bumps all over my arms, legs, and stomach. And now the red bumps are mutating into puss filled bubbles.

It really looks like something out of a horror film.

My vow to you: Destroy all poison ivy from here on.