The Awkward Parts About Being Human

The following is a list of instances that are most awkward in the human experience:

1. Realizing that there is an insufficient amount of toilet paper on the roll after completing your "business." So, you stretch it out to make every bit count. And it gets down to the wire of you having to pull those last little scraps of paper that are glued down to the little cardboard roll.

2. Having to refer to another human as "you" because you have forgotten their name and they have remembered yours.

3. Junior High.

4. Not being able to get that last ice cube at the bottom of your glass. The drink is finished, the ice is consumed, and that last one seems to be stuck on the bottom rim. What is it hanging onto? No one knows. But it is. So you tap and you shake and you pound. And you look like a fool. All for the reward of one little cube of ice.

5. Purchasing feminine products.

6. Using the restroom at a very large house party. Number two. And that is not the awkward part. It is when you exit the bathroom and run into someone that you know right there out in front of the restroom. And you proceed to have a conversation 3 feet away from the very spot you just completed your "business." You are both thinking about this throughout the duration of your conversation but neither alludes to it. You can't. So you grit your teeth, smile, ask them about what "they've been up to lately" and pray your guts out that someone rescues you.

7. Asking someone about how their grandparents are - only to find out that their grandparents have recently passed away. This happened to me the other day. It was not a fun experience.

8. Getting mad at a car on the road for whatever reason, letting them aware of your frustration with them, and then pulling into the same parking lot with them to discover that you are both going to the same place.

9. Going to a tanning bed place.

10. Walking out of the grocery store to your car. Only there is a woman who has exited the grocery store before you who is walking to her car as well. And it so happens that your car is just beyond where she parked. So you are essentially following her to her car. And she continues to turn her head to look at you - suspiciously - as if she is worried that you are in fact following her. And you are, sort of. You can sense the panic she is feeling and you hate it. But you have to get to your car and don't see the point of taking a long detour around several other parked cars to get to yours. So you keep following her. And she keeps looking back. And she starts picking up her pace. And you cringe - thinking that you probably need to shave or at least wear something that doesn't give off the impression that you could potentially hurt people in grocery store parking lots.