You Tell Me (Round Two: Exploration)

Well after your provided period of creative brainstorming, I have made my selection. For this blog, I will be writing about....

Morning Breath (thanks Keely). Help me understand this one, people. You wake up from a nice sleep and for no good reason at all, your mouth smells like the inside of grandpa's shoe. Or a cadaver's opened chest cavity. Or your dog's silent-but-violent after getting into an onion patch.

And this makes no sense. Why does the aroma of your mouth undergo such a radical transformation? Think about this: Before you go to bed, you brush your teeth, leaving your mouth minty fresh (or 'pepperminty,' as some have said). And with this minty mouth, you lay there for 8 hours (on a good night). You don't do anything. You don't get up in the middle of the night and hit the buffet at Golden Corral. You don't gargle tuna juice. You are simply laying there. And after said 8 hours of non-eating, your mouth is now exuding fumes so raunchy that your spouse has to turn aside in horror.

And here's the crazy thing - why does this only happen at night? Why isn't stank-breath summoned in the day time hours? You can go throughout the whole day and not eat anything stanky and your breath is relatively fine by the time bed time rolls around. And you have been eating!! But for some reason, you lay down, don't eat anything, and in a few hours - poof! - stank breath. It's like the cinderella story...backwards. At 10:45 pm, the breath is a beautiful princess. Glistening, clean, pepperminty princess. When the clock strikes 6:30 am the magic leaves and the rot returns. Grandpa's shoes.

Nothing can stop it either. It is a plague. It is a poison. It is a curse. No midnight mints can prevent it. No late night mouth wash can hold its power back. When the alarm clock goes off, the stank will arrive - inexplicably, uncontrollably, irritatingly.

I can only hope that tomorrow things will be different. But I know they won't.