I was thinking about the television show 20/20 the other day. You all know this show. ABC field investigative journalism. Excellent television. Right up there with 60 Minutes. And Murder She Wrote.
Anyhoo...I was thinking about how this show is going to have a field day in the year 2020. They essentially have their advertising taken care of for the entire year. Some potential slogans:
"Watch 20/20 throughout 2020"
or
"It's 2020...watch 20/20"
or
"20/20 in 2020"
or
"Give us money"
20/20 is going to be an amazing year. I plan on watching 2020 throughout the entire year just to see what they do with the uncanny and albeit unbelievable irony. I just hope there are still things called "televisions" in 2020. And I hope David Schwimmer is still acting in 2020. And I hope Ted Danza is still alive.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why MTV Should Quit Now
Remember when MTV actually played music videos?!? It was this really novel thing. Music Television. Now they really have no affiliation with music anymore. It's not Music Television anymore; it's Crap Television. CTV. That should be the new name. CTV (not to be confused with Cornelius Van Til).
I don't normally watch MTV (hereafter CTV) due to the fact that we actually get .5 channels in this house (we only pick up ABC...and that is, if one of us is standing by the TV, holding the antennae, and leaning to the side at a 90 degree angle). But when we are on vacation and we have a TV with 999 channels, for some reason I gravitate toward CTV. I suppose I am curious what is happening in the world of music, culture, and the arts. I suppose I want to reconnect with the channel that first exposed me to Aerosmith and Eminem. I suppose I want to actually see a music video. But when I get there - I don't find music. No music videos. No TRL. No "Yo! MTV Raps." Only a group of random 20-somethings thrown together in a house being followed around by cameras. And everyone is making out.
Here is something that needs explaining to me. Why are the characters from the Real World battling it out on the sand with the characters from Road Rules? What is going on here? It's like having the cast from Diff'rent Strokes (sorry, Kathryn, you wouldn't know anything about that) in a cage match with the cast from Webster. Or maybe the cast from Step by Step in a bar fight with the cast from Full House. Frankly, I'm a bit confused. This group of random 20-somethings who have lived together in a plush New York penthouse for the previous 6 months are now all wearing red uniforms and running through an obstacle course of enormous rubber tires on a beach. Why am I watching this? And remind me what any of this has to do with music. At least back in the day on CTV they had....you know....MUSICIANS doing stupid obstacle courses and playing basketball and rapping on stage during Spring Break. Now it's just this random cast of nobodies. I might as well be looking through the blinds at my neighbor's house.
And I miss Coolio. Where did he go? Gangsta's Paradise? Come back, Coolio.
I don't normally watch MTV (hereafter CTV) due to the fact that we actually get .5 channels in this house (we only pick up ABC...and that is, if one of us is standing by the TV, holding the antennae, and leaning to the side at a 90 degree angle). But when we are on vacation and we have a TV with 999 channels, for some reason I gravitate toward CTV. I suppose I am curious what is happening in the world of music, culture, and the arts. I suppose I want to reconnect with the channel that first exposed me to Aerosmith and Eminem. I suppose I want to actually see a music video. But when I get there - I don't find music. No music videos. No TRL. No "Yo! MTV Raps." Only a group of random 20-somethings thrown together in a house being followed around by cameras. And everyone is making out.
Here is something that needs explaining to me. Why are the characters from the Real World battling it out on the sand with the characters from Road Rules? What is going on here? It's like having the cast from Diff'rent Strokes (sorry, Kathryn, you wouldn't know anything about that) in a cage match with the cast from Webster. Or maybe the cast from Step by Step in a bar fight with the cast from Full House. Frankly, I'm a bit confused. This group of random 20-somethings who have lived together in a plush New York penthouse for the previous 6 months are now all wearing red uniforms and running through an obstacle course of enormous rubber tires on a beach. Why am I watching this? And remind me what any of this has to do with music. At least back in the day on CTV they had....you know....MUSICIANS doing stupid obstacle courses and playing basketball and rapping on stage during Spring Break. Now it's just this random cast of nobodies. I might as well be looking through the blinds at my neighbor's house.
And I miss Coolio. Where did he go? Gangsta's Paradise? Come back, Coolio.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Shoop: Musings on Salt N' Pepa
We've been singing a lot of Salt N' Pepa around the house lately. Shoop. Whatta Man. Push it. Classic hits that influenced a generation. These songs changed the way we thought about the world, about ourselves, and about others. These are timeless songs, to be forever stored in the archives of music revolutionaries. They were the ones who wanted to first "talk about sex, baby," and boy did they. I think every song they wrote had this basic erotic theme running through it. Just think about it. Is there one song they aren't famous for that has something to do with...well....you know?
As I think back on Shoop and Whatta Man, I get a bit confused. Aren't these two really just the same song? They were on the same album. They became popular at the same time. They both have catchy choruses. They both are the same tempo and they sound nearly identical They both are about...well...you know. They are pretty much the same song. One song split into two. They go together in my mind. Just like you can't hear Queen's "We Will Rock You" without it being followed up by "We Are the Champions," so it is with "Shoop" and "Whatta Man" in my mind. I challenge you to find the difference to these songs.
Their most memorable line: "You so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby."
Now this is a fascinating lyric. Pepa (in 'Whatta Man') comes across a man (a mighty, mighty good man) who is humorous. She says that she has finally found someone who can make her laugh. That's exciting. Funny people are hard to find. She found one. And what is her reaction to this exciting discovery? ...I want him to impregnate me. That's just odd. Most girls I know who come across funny guys don't first think to themselves, "I think I want to be pregnant." But of course, that's why Salt N' Pepa gets the big bucks. They think of stuff like that.
Second most memorable line: "Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie."
Here, Salt (in the song 'Shoop') asks this particular gentleman for some fries in addition to his "shake-shake boobie." I must be honest, I am at a loss as to what a "shake-shake boobie" actually is. But it is clear. She wants it. And she wants a side of fries, apparently.
As I think back on Shoop and Whatta Man, I get a bit confused. Aren't these two really just the same song? They were on the same album. They became popular at the same time. They both have catchy choruses. They both are the same tempo and they sound nearly identical They both are about...well...you know. They are pretty much the same song. One song split into two. They go together in my mind. Just like you can't hear Queen's "We Will Rock You" without it being followed up by "We Are the Champions," so it is with "Shoop" and "Whatta Man" in my mind. I challenge you to find the difference to these songs.
Their most memorable line: "You so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby."
Now this is a fascinating lyric. Pepa (in 'Whatta Man') comes across a man (a mighty, mighty good man) who is humorous. She says that she has finally found someone who can make her laugh. That's exciting. Funny people are hard to find. She found one. And what is her reaction to this exciting discovery? ...I want him to impregnate me. That's just odd. Most girls I know who come across funny guys don't first think to themselves, "I think I want to be pregnant." But of course, that's why Salt N' Pepa gets the big bucks. They think of stuff like that.
Second most memorable line: "Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie."
Here, Salt (in the song 'Shoop') asks this particular gentleman for some fries in addition to his "shake-shake boobie." I must be honest, I am at a loss as to what a "shake-shake boobie" actually is. But it is clear. She wants it. And she wants a side of fries, apparently.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Whatchu Talkin' Bout Kathryn?
The following is an actual dialogue that Kathryn and I had one night this week...
Matt: Do you remember that Diff'rent Strokes episode that Adrian mentioned tonight?
Kathryn: I can't remember any Diff'rent Strokes episodes. All I remember was Tootie.
Matt: Tootie was in the Facts of Life. You don't remember Diff'rent Strokes?
Kathryn: I guess not.
Matt: Wait, you're telling me you've never seen an episode of Diff'rent Strokes?
Kathryn: Nope.
Matt: Do you know what "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?" is?
Kathryn: No.
Matt: Wait! You've never heard the expression "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis???"
Kathryn: Never heard of it.
Matt: Holy crap, I'm writing a blog about this.
Matt: Do you remember that Diff'rent Strokes episode that Adrian mentioned tonight?
Kathryn: I can't remember any Diff'rent Strokes episodes. All I remember was Tootie.
Matt: Tootie was in the Facts of Life. You don't remember Diff'rent Strokes?
Kathryn: I guess not.
Matt: Wait, you're telling me you've never seen an episode of Diff'rent Strokes?
Kathryn: Nope.
Matt: Do you know what "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?" is?
Kathryn: No.
Matt: Wait! You've never heard the expression "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis???"
Kathryn: Never heard of it.
Matt: Holy crap, I'm writing a blog about this.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
The Philosophy of Toothpaste
Every now and then I get to thinking about toothpaste. It's just something I do. It's a hobby. And a habit. It's a hobby-habit. But not a hobbit.
Why is the predominant scent (the predomi-scent) of toothpaste - mint? Why does "mint" have a monopoly on the scent? Just look down the toothpaste aisle. You'll see: Whitening Mint. Fresh Mint. Avalanche Mint. Cool Blue Mint. Chunnel Mint. The craziest they get is - Peppermint. But of course, peppermint is a close cousin to regular mint. I realize mint is a much better aroma than say - hummus - but there are other pleasant smells out there as well.
Consider this - Lemon. When you spray down your kitchen counters with lemoney Lysol, it smells refreshingly pleasant. So, why in the world isn't there a lemon-scented toothpaste? Or what about orange? We recently purchased an orange-scented counter-top spray cleaner and trust me - this smells good. Orange is the new lemon. Good smells. But not good enough for our breath?
Mint seems to have the monopoly on the toothpaste scent. Mint scent. But again, I ask you - why? Ever washed your hands at someone's house who has that good vanilla/cinnamon/lavender soap stuff with the little bits in them? Oh...that smells good. What is wrong with lavender smelling toothpaste? Is it not minty enough for Crest? Would someone with lavender breath be welcomed or shunned? I'm not sure. But the possibilities are endless and yet the toothpaste people feel pretty content with mint. They are mint content. Content with the mint scent.
Clint?
Why is the predominant scent (the predomi-scent) of toothpaste - mint? Why does "mint" have a monopoly on the scent? Just look down the toothpaste aisle. You'll see: Whitening Mint. Fresh Mint. Avalanche Mint. Cool Blue Mint. Chunnel Mint. The craziest they get is - Peppermint. But of course, peppermint is a close cousin to regular mint. I realize mint is a much better aroma than say - hummus - but there are other pleasant smells out there as well.
Consider this - Lemon. When you spray down your kitchen counters with lemoney Lysol, it smells refreshingly pleasant. So, why in the world isn't there a lemon-scented toothpaste? Or what about orange? We recently purchased an orange-scented counter-top spray cleaner and trust me - this smells good. Orange is the new lemon. Good smells. But not good enough for our breath?
Mint seems to have the monopoly on the toothpaste scent. Mint scent. But again, I ask you - why? Ever washed your hands at someone's house who has that good vanilla/cinnamon/lavender soap stuff with the little bits in them? Oh...that smells good. What is wrong with lavender smelling toothpaste? Is it not minty enough for Crest? Would someone with lavender breath be welcomed or shunned? I'm not sure. But the possibilities are endless and yet the toothpaste people feel pretty content with mint. They are mint content. Content with the mint scent.
Clint?
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