Long Walks on the Beach

Socially, there is the standard joke often placed after one of these types of questions: "What do you like to do?" Be it flirtatious, a genuine attempt at comedy, or another very bad reason, someone inevitably punches in: "Well....I like long walks on the beach....ha ha ha....ok, no, seriously...."

It is the token "joke." (The joken.) It is a reference to, what I would suspect, was a popular thing to put on personal dating ads in the 1980s. I'm John. I've never been married and I'm 36. I like cats, long walks on the beach, and limeades.

But I was just thinking about it - though it is widely used, terribly unfunny, and boringly cliched - I believe that NO ONE actually enjoys long walks on the beach. Just think about it.

First of all, you got beach. I will refer you to my previous posts about my hatred of this geographical terrain. Sand gets everywhere. In between your toes. All over your sandals. And you track it back into the car, onto the carpet, and somehow - into your hair.

Second, you got walking. Sand is HARD to walk on. You try to use it like concrete (or asphalt), propel off of it with your toes, and instead of supplying the much-needed resistance, it gives and ebbs away with your foot, making you have to work twice as hard to actually get leverage and forward movement.

And finally, as designated in the line, this is a LONG experience. You are doing this exhausting, sand-trekking and sand-covering exercise for an extended period of time. I could see maybe a "brief" walk, but a LONG walk? Who honestly wants to do this for more than 2 minutes?

I think the honest response should be "I enjoy taking brief strolls on concrete....to get to my car....so that I can be sitting down, in the air-conditioning, with no sand, as it speedily carries me to wherever I need to be."