Liars....All Liars

Kathryn and I, united as Matthryn, somehow acquired free tickets to a "jazz club" a week or so back. Kat got them through her work and the day that the tickets were for happened to be on an afternoon where we didn't have much going on. So...we bounced on down to the local jazz club for some smokey, blue-like-jazz.

The event was a silent auction to try and keep afloat a local pottery store here in Charlotte and the "jazz" music was to be the background ambiance. It seemed like a pretty cool idea. We could walk around and check out the pottery and groove to the smokey, sleepy, syruppy jazz.

Well....we sort of did that. We got there and we did walk around and we did look at the pottery...but there was no music in the background. There was a stage, for sure, but it was empty. But we were informed the "jazz" was coming, so we sat down at a table and waited. Let's face it...we were there for the smokey syrup jazz. I really could care less about pottery.

So then the "band" gets up there. Two guys. That's it. One is holding a flute. The other is holding...nothing. And there are two mics set up. I'm a bit confused as to how this is going to work and then...my confusion is broken by the interuption of a full jazz band pouring in over the speakers. Drums, bass, guitars, pianos, brass, etc. The two men start grooving to this pre-recorded, canned "jazz" track and then one grabs the mic and starts singing. My jaw hit the floor. Are we serious here? This is the "jazz band?" This is what I came out for? Two men singing karaoke (and playing a flute) over an instrumental tape?

Not only was it a big let-down, but even for them to be singing (and playing flute) karaoke, they were utterly unprofessional. The main singer (not the flute player) would interact with the "sound guy" in the back IN BETWEEN LYRICS. He'd be in the middle of a Stevie Wonder joint and be singing, "I just called to say..." then look to the sound guy and ask, "Hey, am I loud enough" and then jump right back in and finish the lyric a few beats behind: "I love you." At one point during another song the karaoke singer tried to get somebody's attention to bring him a stool to sit on. Although for some reason, he didn't just ask somebody and interupt his song like he did with the sound guy. So he was singing away and trying to make eye contact with this one guy who was walking close to the stage. He's up there waving his hands because, Heaven-forbid he interupt his song now and actually ask the man for a stool. Somehow he gets his attention and is able to communicate "I want you to bring me a stool" while continuing to sing. This involved a lot of distracting pointing and gesturing and leaning away from the mic to grab the stool and mumbling some forgotten lyrics as he tried to set it up and get comfortable....while singing. It was a total joke.

I think Kathryn and I were the only ones actually listening to this. Everyone else was too concerned with the pottery, which ended up being the main attraction anyway. We left soon after that with a justified sense of music-righteousness, knowing that what just happened in there was not only not "jazz," it was not music. Utterly terrible. It may have been redeeming if this guy treated it like a karaoke thing and invited others to come up and sing. I would have dropped it like it was tav.