One a day for all of May.
Well, my friends, it is officially over. The month long meyhem of May is complete. What a joy it has been to wake up every morning and shuffle into the office in a zombie-like state to contemplate, create and produce a thought-provoking, socially-aware contribution to the market place of ideas. It is a shame that such an endeavor ended in but a whimper. Whimper.
So, after perusing the month-long catalog, feel free to note which post you particularly enjoyed or particularly hated. That way we can feel like we are in this together....that we have both survived the madness of May. And it will make me feel good about myself.
1. How do boy-bands get together?
2. Kathryn and sleeping pills
3. Ancient Near East salty meat
4. Organic Peanut Butter Snobs
5. Man Vs. Wild (Zebra Sushi)
6. Hot House, Cold Water
7. Nut Thins = Nuthin
8. Climaxing of: American Idol, 24, House Closing, Exams, May Madness
9. B.O.N.E. = Bone Heads
10. Double Digit Day
11. Termites Only Eat Wood
12. Kathryn's Trump Card Wins Argument
13. Mother's Day
14. Debit Card Madness
15. Half the Madness
16. Leftover Banquet
17. YouTube Debube
18. B.F.Egypt
19. M&Ms Melt in Your Hand
20. Litterbugs
21. Check Writing and Church
22. 24 is Getting Lame-O
23. I Shaved a Mustache and Took a Few Pictures
24. Adverbs Are Going Extinct
25. Onions and Gum
26. Oops, I Forgot About May Madness
27. It's Opposite Day!
28. $4 Rebate and 41 Cent Postage - Wha Happened??
29. Nougat Conundrum
30. I Don't Want to Write Any More
31. May Gladness
Whimper.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
May Sadness Eve
One a day for all of May...
This morning I am tired and grumpy and not much in the mood for carrying on the torch that is Mad Madness. I hate May Madness right now. I hate its ever present pull on my life. It is an ever-present storm cloud, hovering over my head. It is the law - demanding of me everything and promising me nothing in return. It is the mean office manager hanging over my shoulder tapping his clipboard, evaluating everything I do with a suspicious and critical eye. And tomorrow it is all over. Tomorrow I am free. I am bound, I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land - the liberation of May Madness into what I will implicitly think of as June Gladness. Free from the pressure. Free from the anxiety. Free from the relentless demand to write and write and write. I want to go back to bed. I am sleepy. And grumpy.
This morning I am tired and grumpy and not much in the mood for carrying on the torch that is Mad Madness. I hate May Madness right now. I hate its ever present pull on my life. It is an ever-present storm cloud, hovering over my head. It is the law - demanding of me everything and promising me nothing in return. It is the mean office manager hanging over my shoulder tapping his clipboard, evaluating everything I do with a suspicious and critical eye. And tomorrow it is all over. Tomorrow I am free. I am bound, I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land - the liberation of May Madness into what I will implicitly think of as June Gladness. Free from the pressure. Free from the anxiety. Free from the relentless demand to write and write and write. I want to go back to bed. I am sleepy. And grumpy.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
O.A.D.F.A.O.M....
Ok, seriously. What is nougat? I know they pack this stuff in 3 Muskateers, Zero, and Choc-O-Fun candy bars, but what is it? Is it chocolate? Fluffy caramel? Something completely different? Last night at the restaurant where Kat and I went for dinner, they offered some sort of dessert something-or-other that featured nougat. I've never seen nougat outside of the context of a 3 Muskateers candy bar. I suppose that either I've been very sheltered when it comes to nougat or more likely, nobody really knows what this stuff is and occasionally includes the word on their dessert menu. TTFN.
Ok, seriously. What is nougat? I know they pack this stuff in 3 Muskateers, Zero, and Choc-O-Fun candy bars, but what is it? Is it chocolate? Fluffy caramel? Something completely different? Last night at the restaurant where Kat and I went for dinner, they offered some sort of dessert something-or-other that featured nougat. I've never seen nougat outside of the context of a 3 Muskateers candy bar. I suppose that either I've been very sheltered when it comes to nougat or more likely, nobody really knows what this stuff is and occasionally includes the word on their dessert menu. TTFN.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Rebates and Postage Rates
one A day for All of mAy...
I bought a Brita water filter replacement filter thingy yesterday. It came with a $4 rebate. A whole $4 rebate. Wow. Are they really going to send me a check in 6-8 weeks written out to Matthew T Howell for 4 bucks? It is really completely pointless. I wasn't even counting on doing the rebate, it was just there and available. Here is the interesting part (as if you weren't already riveted thus far), postage is freakin' 41 cents. That's like nearly 1/8th of the entire rebate. So really, this rebate is worth about $3.50. It is probably going to cost me more in gas to actually take my rebate check to the bank for depositing. $4 rebate? Absolutely worthless.
I bought a Brita water filter replacement filter thingy yesterday. It came with a $4 rebate. A whole $4 rebate. Wow. Are they really going to send me a check in 6-8 weeks written out to Matthew T Howell for 4 bucks? It is really completely pointless. I wasn't even counting on doing the rebate, it was just there and available. Here is the interesting part (as if you weren't already riveted thus far), postage is freakin' 41 cents. That's like nearly 1/8th of the entire rebate. So really, this rebate is worth about $3.50. It is probably going to cost me more in gas to actually take my rebate check to the bank for depositing. $4 rebate? Absolutely worthless.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Opposite Day
"Hey Matt, you're the coolest kid in class."
"Really? Gee, thanks."
"Ha ha! It's Opposite Day!!" [haughty laughter here]
Remember Opposite Day? Remember its irregularity on the calendar? You could go to school and never really know if today was the day where everything said was really the opposite of truth. You would try to insult somebody and on that special day they would receive it as a compliment. And compliments become insults. What I never really understood about Opposite Day was that if you declared it to be Opposite Day on the given day where all things were truly opposite, then it wasn't really opposite day. In other words, the statement "It is Opposite Day" must be opposite-ized as well, which means that it isn't truly Opposite Day. And then if that is true, there is really no point in opposite-izing the statement. It is a logical conundrum, this Opposite Day. If it was TRULY Opposite Day, these little kids should have declared that "It isn't Opposite Day." But then again, this would not be very helpful information to the person who was just informed that they were the "coolest kid in class." They believe that they received a kind compliment. And afterall, today is not opposite day. But it is. Only you can't say it is. Because then that statement would be subject to being opposite-ized. And round and round we go into the logical abyss that is Opposite Day. Or rather, Opposite Madness.
"Really? Gee, thanks."
"Ha ha! It's Opposite Day!!" [haughty laughter here]
Remember Opposite Day? Remember its irregularity on the calendar? You could go to school and never really know if today was the day where everything said was really the opposite of truth. You would try to insult somebody and on that special day they would receive it as a compliment. And compliments become insults. What I never really understood about Opposite Day was that if you declared it to be Opposite Day on the given day where all things were truly opposite, then it wasn't really opposite day. In other words, the statement "It is Opposite Day" must be opposite-ized as well, which means that it isn't truly Opposite Day. And then if that is true, there is really no point in opposite-izing the statement. It is a logical conundrum, this Opposite Day. If it was TRULY Opposite Day, these little kids should have declared that "It isn't Opposite Day." But then again, this would not be very helpful information to the person who was just informed that they were the "coolest kid in class." They believe that they received a kind compliment. And afterall, today is not opposite day. But it is. Only you can't say it is. Because then that statement would be subject to being opposite-ized. And round and round we go into the logical abyss that is Opposite Day. Or rather, Opposite Madness.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
May Forgetfulness
Still one a day for all of May...
It is 1:19 pm. This is the first time in all of May Madness that I have forgotten to post a blog in the morning. I woke up. Went about my day. Went to RTS graduation as an usher and I must say, I ushed the mess out of that event, as I tend to do in my ushing engagements. After graduation I went to the reception to get my recept on. They had lemonade. And soy-glazed chicken nuggets on a stick. And Scottish Meatballs. And a vat of 7-layer dip. It was nice. But yet, I left the Madness of May behind. And in turn, I let down all of my committed, dedicated, faithful fans who rise each day with me in eager hopes of reading this blog. Please forgive me. I know this must be a shocking blow to all of you. I'm sorry. For the remainder of May Madness, I will rise extra early and write with more vigor to atone for my own forgetfulness.
It is 1:19 pm. This is the first time in all of May Madness that I have forgotten to post a blog in the morning. I woke up. Went about my day. Went to RTS graduation as an usher and I must say, I ushed the mess out of that event, as I tend to do in my ushing engagements. After graduation I went to the reception to get my recept on. They had lemonade. And soy-glazed chicken nuggets on a stick. And Scottish Meatballs. And a vat of 7-layer dip. It was nice. But yet, I left the Madness of May behind. And in turn, I let down all of my committed, dedicated, faithful fans who rise each day with me in eager hopes of reading this blog. Please forgive me. I know this must be a shocking blow to all of you. I'm sorry. For the remainder of May Madness, I will rise extra early and write with more vigor to atone for my own forgetfulness.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Onion Gum
One a day for all of May!
I put onions in the same camp as poison ivy - I simply don't understand their self-defense systems. Cutting open an onion, for whatever reason, emits a fume/odor/?? that burns your eyes. I've actually cried before while chopping up an onion. I hate it. And as for it's self-defense? It doesn't really stop me from chopping it open, probably because the self-defense fume/eye thing only happens AFTER you've already chopped it open. How does that help preserve itself? That's like having an electric shock connected to my wallet and whoever steals it receives some sort of said shock. Sure, they get zapped but they also get my wallet. Not much of a security system. And so, I'm perplexed by the actual point of the eye-burning fumes that emit from a gutted onion (and poison ivy). But I have learned a trick that will even prevent the onion eye fumes. The next time you are chopping an onion, pop in a piece of gum. Some type of mint works well. Spearmint, even. I read about this trick on the walls of a bathroom stall. Tried it out. It worked. No more weeping while chopping.
I put onions in the same camp as poison ivy - I simply don't understand their self-defense systems. Cutting open an onion, for whatever reason, emits a fume/odor/?? that burns your eyes. I've actually cried before while chopping up an onion. I hate it. And as for it's self-defense? It doesn't really stop me from chopping it open, probably because the self-defense fume/eye thing only happens AFTER you've already chopped it open. How does that help preserve itself? That's like having an electric shock connected to my wallet and whoever steals it receives some sort of said shock. Sure, they get zapped but they also get my wallet. Not much of a security system. And so, I'm perplexed by the actual point of the eye-burning fumes that emit from a gutted onion (and poison ivy). But I have learned a trick that will even prevent the onion eye fumes. The next time you are chopping an onion, pop in a piece of gum. Some type of mint works well. Spearmint, even. I read about this trick on the walls of a bathroom stall. Tried it out. It worked. No more weeping while chopping.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Killing the Adverb Slow
One a day for all of May...........................
I believe that we as Americans are slowly killing the adverb. We just don't use them anymore. For some reason, they have lost their usage. Or we simply hate the L-Y combination. Kathryn sometimes tells me she feels "badly" when she feels...bad. That just sounds really odd. Badly. I want her to say that she feels bad. But that is not grammatically correct. It is not adverbially accurate. It is not syntactically significant. So, she feels "badly." And sounds silly.
I believe that we as Americans are slowly killing the adverb. We just don't use them anymore. For some reason, they have lost their usage. Or we simply hate the L-Y combination. Kathryn sometimes tells me she feels "badly" when she feels...bad. That just sounds really odd. Badly. I want her to say that she feels bad. But that is not grammatically correct. It is not adverbially accurate. It is not syntactically significant. So, she feels "badly." And sounds silly.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
A "Must See"!!!
One a day for all of May...
In lieu of my stashing away my exams yesterday, I thought it would be nice to memorialize this moment on my face. Everyone told me that I "must stash" away these exams and so that is just what I did. I "must stashed" them. Hey! You've got to hide your love away. (Hey! You've got to stash your love away.) Aside from "must stashing" away my exams, I thought it convenient to include that I also "must arded" my shirt yesterday from the Tuna Club at "Musty's" Tuna Shack. I "must confess" that I also used to watch "must see" TV while chewing some "must achio" nuts. "Must Stang" Sally watched it with me.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Twenty-Bore
One blog post for every 24-hour cycle within with the entire month of May...
Kathryn and I have faithfully committed to Fox's 24 for the entire season. Week in and week out we were there to witness terrorist plots escalate, internal governmental drama, international conflict, Chloe's witty-but-not-so-funny one liners, and Jack Bauer get out of life-threatening jams (and/or pickles). And I feel like my faithfulness to this relationship is in jeopardy. I am considering an affair. There is just no excitement in this relationship anymore. It is the same thing, over and over. 24's only tool in their tool shed (or tool belt (or tool hamper)) is to drop something crazy on you with 4 seconds remaining so that you stay hooked for the subsequent episode/season. This is all they got. In the beginning this was exciting. But now....it is just mundane. For every resolution, there awaits even more conflict. And on and on it goes. I'm just not happy in this relationship anymore. I must confess, I've been thinking about Lost and Family Matters and other TGIF sitcoms that seem so much more attractive and fulfilling. Maybe I'll just hang with Mr. Cooper from now on.
Kathryn and I have faithfully committed to Fox's 24 for the entire season. Week in and week out we were there to witness terrorist plots escalate, internal governmental drama, international conflict, Chloe's witty-but-not-so-funny one liners, and Jack Bauer get out of life-threatening jams (and/or pickles). And I feel like my faithfulness to this relationship is in jeopardy. I am considering an affair. There is just no excitement in this relationship anymore. It is the same thing, over and over. 24's only tool in their tool shed (or tool belt (or tool hamper)) is to drop something crazy on you with 4 seconds remaining so that you stay hooked for the subsequent episode/season. This is all they got. In the beginning this was exciting. But now....it is just mundane. For every resolution, there awaits even more conflict. And on and on it goes. I'm just not happy in this relationship anymore. I must confess, I've been thinking about Lost and Family Matters and other TGIF sitcoms that seem so much more attractive and fulfilling. Maybe I'll just hang with Mr. Cooper from now on.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Checks and Balances
Still one a day for all of May...
I've noticed something a bit...well....odd...about Sunday mornings. Every time I write the check for our weekly offering/tithe, I can't help but notice that I write it the same way that I write every check: On the "amount" line, where you actually write out the exact numerical amount with letters and words, I make that same long squiggle throughout the remaining part of the line that I haven't written on, you know, so as to prevent the recipient of the check from adding in to the amount whatever they want. It's self-protection, I guess. And so that is why on Sunday morning it feels a bit odd. With that long scribble on the remaining part of my "amount" line, I am inadvertently suggesting that unless I didn't do it, my church would fill in the remaining part with whatever they wanted. And that is a terrible conclusion and accusation to make....all from one single stroke of the pen. A long squiggly stroke, at that.
I've noticed something a bit...well....odd...about Sunday mornings. Every time I write the check for our weekly offering/tithe, I can't help but notice that I write it the same way that I write every check: On the "amount" line, where you actually write out the exact numerical amount with letters and words, I make that same long squiggle throughout the remaining part of the line that I haven't written on, you know, so as to prevent the recipient of the check from adding in to the amount whatever they want. It's self-protection, I guess. And so that is why on Sunday morning it feels a bit odd. With that long scribble on the remaining part of my "amount" line, I am inadvertently suggesting that unless I didn't do it, my church would fill in the remaining part with whatever they wanted. And that is a terrible conclusion and accusation to make....all from one single stroke of the pen. A long squiggly stroke, at that.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Bugs Don't Litter
One a day for all of May...
How come the only act of injustice to receive the pejorative title "bug" is for littering? And why in the world is it a "bug" to begin with? It sounds like an after-school public service announcement cartoon character. Larry the Litterbug. Don't be like Larry, he litters. Throw your trash in the trash can. Be like Timmy the Trash-in-Trashcan bug. Other criminal activities should have the "bug" suffix thrown in as well, I believe. Hey, don't be a Speedbug. Or a Shopliftbug. Or a Badtaxesbug. Or a Lie-to-me-about-how-your-chocolately-flattened-oval-sphere-things-don't-melt-in-my-hand-when-they-really-do bug.
How come the only act of injustice to receive the pejorative title "bug" is for littering? And why in the world is it a "bug" to begin with? It sounds like an after-school public service announcement cartoon character. Larry the Litterbug. Don't be like Larry, he litters. Throw your trash in the trash can. Be like Timmy the Trash-in-Trashcan bug. Other criminal activities should have the "bug" suffix thrown in as well, I believe. Hey, don't be a Speedbug. Or a Shopliftbug. Or a Badtaxesbug. Or a Lie-to-me-about-how-your-chocolately-flattened-oval-sphere-things-don't-melt-in-my-hand-when-they-really-do bug.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
(Patty) Melt in my Hand
One a day for all of freakin' May...
Yesterday I took it back to the proverbial old school and ate a few M&Ms. They were delightful and I can't tell you the last time I had plain, brown-packaged M&Ms. Of course, I pondered the whole experience. I remember growing up that I actually used to think that there were "E's" on them. Now I get it. They are Ms. Another thought - why in the world do they market them as "melting in my mouth" and "not in my hand." Everyone knows this is a blatant lie. M&Ms very clearly "melt in my hand." And I'm sure they melt in everyone else's hands as well. It is not the "melting in my mouth" bit that I have a problem with. This part is true - and quite rewarding. But the "melting in my hand" bit is the lie - and frustrating. I think they should have a new marketing gimmick. It should be, "M&Ms...I bet you don't know what the Ms stand for." Or how about, "M&Ms....They make you say Mmmmmm." Or maybe even, "M&Ms....You know you want some bite-sized, thinly candy-coated, chocolately-flattened-oval-spheres with "Ms" on them that melt all over your hands." Magnificent & Mouthwaterings.
Yesterday I took it back to the proverbial old school and ate a few M&Ms. They were delightful and I can't tell you the last time I had plain, brown-packaged M&Ms. Of course, I pondered the whole experience. I remember growing up that I actually used to think that there were "E's" on them. Now I get it. They are Ms. Another thought - why in the world do they market them as "melting in my mouth" and "not in my hand." Everyone knows this is a blatant lie. M&Ms very clearly "melt in my hand." And I'm sure they melt in everyone else's hands as well. It is not the "melting in my mouth" bit that I have a problem with. This part is true - and quite rewarding. But the "melting in my hand" bit is the lie - and frustrating. I think they should have a new marketing gimmick. It should be, "M&Ms...I bet you don't know what the Ms stand for." Or how about, "M&Ms....They make you say Mmmmmm." Or maybe even, "M&Ms....You know you want some bite-sized, thinly candy-coated, chocolately-flattened-oval-spheres with "Ms" on them that melt all over your hands." Magnificent & Mouthwaterings.
Friday, May 18, 2007
B.F.E.
One a day for all of May...
I'm grateful that I have not heard the expression BFE in several years. This is an expression that really should never have been started. I mean, seriously people. How did BFE get chosen to express one's semi-frustration with long distance? Of all places - Egypt??? I am going to modify it....I think from now on it should be "Bare Foot Ethiopia." Or "British Freakin England." That's it. British Freakin England. It's the Freakin England, baby, I'm about to have me some fun.
I'm grateful that I have not heard the expression BFE in several years. This is an expression that really should never have been started. I mean, seriously people. How did BFE get chosen to express one's semi-frustration with long distance? Of all places - Egypt??? I am going to modify it....I think from now on it should be "Bare Foot Ethiopia." Or "British Freakin England." That's it. British Freakin England. It's the Freakin England, baby, I'm about to have me some fun.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Overlefts
One a May for all of day...
Tonight we had leftovers. And I love leftovers. Especially when the various leftovers are piling up a bit in the fridge and you have one banquet-type blow out. That is what we enjoyed last night: a leftover cornucopia of maddening proportion. I will provide a list:
- one slice of Digiorno pepperoni pizza
- calamari with dipping sauce (courtesy of Kathryn's corporate lunch)
- Tuscan salad with fresh chunks of fresh mozzarella (Kathryn's corporate lunch)
- rigatoni with meat sauce (again....Kathryn)
- blackened chicken from Saturday's date night at Cajun Queen
- crawfish etoufee (again....Cajun Queen)
- water to drink
It was truly a confusing cuisine. It was a beautiful buffet. It was a monster mash.
Tonight we had leftovers. And I love leftovers. Especially when the various leftovers are piling up a bit in the fridge and you have one banquet-type blow out. That is what we enjoyed last night: a leftover cornucopia of maddening proportion. I will provide a list:
- one slice of Digiorno pepperoni pizza
- calamari with dipping sauce (courtesy of Kathryn's corporate lunch)
- Tuscan salad with fresh chunks of fresh mozzarella (Kathryn's corporate lunch)
- rigatoni with meat sauce (again....Kathryn)
- blackened chicken from Saturday's date night at Cajun Queen
- crawfish etoufee (again....Cajun Queen)
- water to drink
It was truly a confusing cuisine. It was a beautiful buffet. It was a monster mash.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Half the Madness
One a day for all of May...
Wow. We are exactly one half way done with May Madness, the maddening self-induced project of composing one blog post a day for the entire month of May. And let me say, it has been quite mad. (Madness). So, with this post marking the half-way point, I thought I'd brainstorm about a few other "halfs" that "half" been meaningful to me:
Half-n-Half (the delightful coffee creamer)
Half Nelson (a schoolyard bully favorite)
Half Life (the time taken for the radioactivity of a specified isotope to fall to half its original value)
Halfway House (welcome to society...halfway so)
Half Empty/Half Full (the age old conundrum)
Half Caff (a specialty order at Starbucks)
Half-Handed Cloud (one of my new favorite bands: www.halfhandedcloud.com)
Half Monkey (zoological medical/genetic condition where a monkey is born with only the torso up)
Wow. We are exactly one half way done with May Madness, the maddening self-induced project of composing one blog post a day for the entire month of May. And let me say, it has been quite mad. (Madness). So, with this post marking the half-way point, I thought I'd brainstorm about a few other "halfs" that "half" been meaningful to me:
Half-n-Half (the delightful coffee creamer)
Half Nelson (a schoolyard bully favorite)
Half Life (the time taken for the radioactivity of a specified isotope to fall to half its original value)
Halfway House (welcome to society...halfway so)
Half Empty/Half Full (the age old conundrum)
Half Caff (a specialty order at Starbucks)
Half-Handed Cloud (one of my new favorite bands: www.halfhandedcloud.com)
Half Monkey (zoological medical/genetic condition where a monkey is born with only the torso up)
Monday, May 14, 2007
Debit All to Heck
One a day for all of May...
Have you ever noticed how many freakin' times you have to hit various buttons on those debit card thingys at the end of the grocery check-out? I swipe my card. It wants to know "Credit or Debit." So I push "Debit." Then it commands me to type in my PIN. Ok, so I do so. Then it displays the total and wants to know if this is correct. Yes it is, so I push "Yes." Then it wants to know if I want cash back. I push "no." I'm surprised it doesn't have one more screen that asks, "Are you sure?" And the biggest headache is that you can't just hit the same green button over and over. You really have to pay attention and hit the green button, the "yes" button, one of those odd-side buttons that never really correspond to the thing you want to hit, etc. It takes me forever. I'm always stressed out too because I'm holding up the line and meanwhile the checkout person is trying to help me and walk me through it, messing with her own screen which inadvertently messes up the progress on my screen. This is only Reason #218 why I hate the grocery store.
Have you ever noticed how many freakin' times you have to hit various buttons on those debit card thingys at the end of the grocery check-out? I swipe my card. It wants to know "Credit or Debit." So I push "Debit." Then it commands me to type in my PIN. Ok, so I do so. Then it displays the total and wants to know if this is correct. Yes it is, so I push "Yes." Then it wants to know if I want cash back. I push "no." I'm surprised it doesn't have one more screen that asks, "Are you sure?" And the biggest headache is that you can't just hit the same green button over and over. You really have to pay attention and hit the green button, the "yes" button, one of those odd-side buttons that never really correspond to the thing you want to hit, etc. It takes me forever. I'm always stressed out too because I'm holding up the line and meanwhile the checkout person is trying to help me and walk me through it, messing with her own screen which inadvertently messes up the progress on my screen. This is only Reason #218 why I hate the grocery store.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Mother's Madness
One a day for all of May...
Today is Mother's Day. It is a day set aside especially for Mothers, Moms, Mums, Mommys, and Flooms. You know, Kathryn and I have had a change of heart concerning said day. We both thought that the day has always been an artificial, Halmark-created, American invention to perpetuate capitalism. But now that we've grown up a bit (Kathryn more than me) and have experienced more interaction with a number of little children around Charlotte, we have had a change of heart. Mothers are freakin amazing. They should get Mother's Day every day. They actually touch snot and "poopy." They deal with infants screaming in their ear. They have to spank cute little people sometimes. My hat is off to you (and my socks). Mothers of the world unite. Mothers Against Drunk Driving. May MADDness.
Today is Mother's Day. It is a day set aside especially for Mothers, Moms, Mums, Mommys, and Flooms. You know, Kathryn and I have had a change of heart concerning said day. We both thought that the day has always been an artificial, Halmark-created, American invention to perpetuate capitalism. But now that we've grown up a bit (Kathryn more than me) and have experienced more interaction with a number of little children around Charlotte, we have had a change of heart. Mothers are freakin amazing. They should get Mother's Day every day. They actually touch snot and "poopy." They deal with infants screaming in their ear. They have to spank cute little people sometimes. My hat is off to you (and my socks). Mothers of the world unite. Mothers Against Drunk Driving. May MADDness.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Kathryn Wins Argument
One a day for all of May...
Earlier this week, Kathryn and I got into bit of a "scuffle" over the breakfast table. It wasn't anything serious, just a discussion of sorts with both of us on two different sides of the issue. And it was so insignificant, neither one of us can recall just what it was about. However, the thing that we both remember was how the argument ended. At the height of the "scuffle" (not to be confused with skizzle), Kathryn said, "Yeah? Well, my mom is putting my childhood cat to sleep tomorrow." The argument was officially over. Kathryn laid down the "Dead-Childhood-Pet" trump card and ended it right then and there. I am now on the search for my own trump card in the hopes that it will end any "scuffle" with me coming out on top. I've thought about, "Yeah? Well, I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was younger." But that doesn't seem to have the same umph (sp?) that hers does.
Earlier this week, Kathryn and I got into bit of a "scuffle" over the breakfast table. It wasn't anything serious, just a discussion of sorts with both of us on two different sides of the issue. And it was so insignificant, neither one of us can recall just what it was about. However, the thing that we both remember was how the argument ended. At the height of the "scuffle" (not to be confused with skizzle), Kathryn said, "Yeah? Well, my mom is putting my childhood cat to sleep tomorrow." The argument was officially over. Kathryn laid down the "Dead-Childhood-Pet" trump card and ended it right then and there. I am now on the search for my own trump card in the hopes that it will end any "scuffle" with me coming out on top. I've thought about, "Yeah? Well, I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was younger." But that doesn't seem to have the same umph (sp?) that hers does.
Friday, May 11, 2007
All Wood Diet
One a day for all of May...
It really must stink to be a termite. They eat nothing but wood. Now, that has to get old fast.
It really must stink to be a termite. They eat nothing but wood. Now, that has to get old fast.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Double Digit May Day
One a day for all of May...
Congrats to Matt. We have moved from single digits to double digits. May 10. 10 whole days of May Madness. It only promises to get madder. To celebrate, I thought I'd brainstorm about other "doubles" I am fond of:
- Doublemint Gum (double the pleasure AND double the fun)
- Double Stuft Oreos (more is better right?)
- Double Dragon (best NES game invented...outside of Punchout and Mr. Coogie's Day at the Beach)
- Double Trouble (the handheld travel-game)
- Double Dare (the 80s Nickalodeon kids' game show where there was an enormous nose that the contestants had to comb their way through the snot (most likely 'gak') to find the desired flag)
- Double Monkey (the zoological medical/genetic condition where two monkeys are born stuck together)
Congrats to Matt. We have moved from single digits to double digits. May 10. 10 whole days of May Madness. It only promises to get madder. To celebrate, I thought I'd brainstorm about other "doubles" I am fond of:
- Doublemint Gum (double the pleasure AND double the fun)
- Double Stuft Oreos (more is better right?)
- Double Dragon (best NES game invented...outside of Punchout and Mr. Coogie's Day at the Beach)
- Double Trouble (the handheld travel-game)
- Double Dare (the 80s Nickalodeon kids' game show where there was an enormous nose that the contestants had to comb their way through the snot (most likely 'gak') to find the desired flag)
- Double Monkey (the zoological medical/genetic condition where two monkeys are born stuck together)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Harmonizing Thugs
One a day for all of May...
Wake up! Wake up! I couldn't help but notice yesterday that Bone Thugs-N-Harmony has come out with a new album. It is called "Strength and Loyalty" with a few choice songs that include: "Bump in the Trunk," "Flowmotion," "Gun Blast," and of course "Bump in the Trunk Remix." Wow. I used to actually listen to these guys. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Help me out here people. How in the world does a group of "thugs" figure out that they can sing, much less harmonize? This goes back to my Boy Band question. This one is all the more puzzling because they present themselves as "thugs." But the "thugs" that I've seen around town are not gathered around burning trashcans harmonizing with each other. The whole image is a bit off-putting to say the least. Are these "thugs" arguing about which one is going to take the baritone or the soprano? How did they decide which key sounds the best for them as a group? They are essentially a "thuggish" glee-club from the streets. I miss my Uncle Charles yall.
Wake up! Wake up! I couldn't help but notice yesterday that Bone Thugs-N-Harmony has come out with a new album. It is called "Strength and Loyalty" with a few choice songs that include: "Bump in the Trunk," "Flowmotion," "Gun Blast," and of course "Bump in the Trunk Remix." Wow. I used to actually listen to these guys. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Help me out here people. How in the world does a group of "thugs" figure out that they can sing, much less harmonize? This goes back to my Boy Band question. This one is all the more puzzling because they present themselves as "thugs." But the "thugs" that I've seen around town are not gathered around burning trashcans harmonizing with each other. The whole image is a bit off-putting to say the least. Are these "thugs" arguing about which one is going to take the baritone or the soprano? How did they decide which key sounds the best for them as a group? They are essentially a "thuggish" glee-club from the streets. I miss my Uncle Charles yall.
It All Comes Down to This
One a day for all of May...
If you thought May was already full of Madness...oh...you don't know the half of it. In this month alone, there are several areas of my life that are climaxing and completing. For one, 24 will end in a few weeks. Jack Bauer will somehow save the day...but with 3 seconds left, some enormous catastrophe will happen which will hook us all into committing to another season. Furthermore, an American Idol will be crowned soon. However, that is going to be anti-climactic. We already know who it will be. On top of that, I have exams in a week or so, which will cap off a grueling semester. And our lease for our apartment runs out....forcing us to make moving decisions....which we have....and our new house is "supposed" to close this month, but that is a whole 'nother story. And if things weren't already out of control, the relentless pressure to produce a blog-a-day-for-all-of-May hangs over my head like a pregnant storm cloud, just waiting to unload and ruin everything I have so desperately worked for.
If you thought May was already full of Madness...oh...you don't know the half of it. In this month alone, there are several areas of my life that are climaxing and completing. For one, 24 will end in a few weeks. Jack Bauer will somehow save the day...but with 3 seconds left, some enormous catastrophe will happen which will hook us all into committing to another season. Furthermore, an American Idol will be crowned soon. However, that is going to be anti-climactic. We already know who it will be. On top of that, I have exams in a week or so, which will cap off a grueling semester. And our lease for our apartment runs out....forcing us to make moving decisions....which we have....and our new house is "supposed" to close this month, but that is a whole 'nother story. And if things weren't already out of control, the relentless pressure to produce a blog-a-day-for-all-of-May hangs over my head like a pregnant storm cloud, just waiting to unload and ruin everything I have so desperately worked for.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Nut Thins
One a day for all of May...
Kathryn and I recently purchased a box of "Nut Thins," not to be confused with its competing product "Wheat Thins." First of all, Nut Thins have "nu-thin" on Wheat Thins. I thought they were terrible. Crackers made from chopped up nuts. Terrible. Second of all, can we be a little original with the name? Nut Thins?? Seriously. What's next? Corn Thins? Rice Thins? Grain Thins? Clarinet Thins?? It's called a break, now give me one.
Kathryn and I recently purchased a box of "Nut Thins," not to be confused with its competing product "Wheat Thins." First of all, Nut Thins have "nu-thin" on Wheat Thins. I thought they were terrible. Crackers made from chopped up nuts. Terrible. Second of all, can we be a little original with the name? Nut Thins?? Seriously. What's next? Corn Thins? Rice Thins? Grain Thins? Clarinet Thins?? It's called a break, now give me one.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Hot House, Cold Water
One a day for all of May...
The other day we couldn't help but notice that the house was...how do you say....unbearably hot. The AC had been "running" while we had stepped outside for a bit, but it turns out that it was really only "blowing" sticky, hot air throughout our apartment. We called the maintenance dude out to fix it. After tinkering with it for 30 minutes or so, he apologetically informed us that there was no hope for our AC unit and it would have to be replaced....which would take a few days. Ok, fine. There is nothing you can do. We will wait in the Amazon-like swamp land of our apartment sauna for a few days. I went upstairs (which of course is soooo much hotter than downstairs) to wash off the sweat that had been gathering, and it turns out our hotwater heater was busted. Or so we thought. Maintenance Man flipped the breaker and failed to flip it back....but we didn't know that at the time. All we knew was that we could either stand in a freezing shower or a muggy sauna. So that is what we did. We alternated back and forth all night long. Kat slept for 30 min in the cold shower while I slept for 30 min in the hot bedroom. And then we switched. Back and forth. Miserable.
The other day we couldn't help but notice that the house was...how do you say....unbearably hot. The AC had been "running" while we had stepped outside for a bit, but it turns out that it was really only "blowing" sticky, hot air throughout our apartment. We called the maintenance dude out to fix it. After tinkering with it for 30 minutes or so, he apologetically informed us that there was no hope for our AC unit and it would have to be replaced....which would take a few days. Ok, fine. There is nothing you can do. We will wait in the Amazon-like swamp land of our apartment sauna for a few days. I went upstairs (which of course is soooo much hotter than downstairs) to wash off the sweat that had been gathering, and it turns out our hotwater heater was busted. Or so we thought. Maintenance Man flipped the breaker and failed to flip it back....but we didn't know that at the time. All we knew was that we could either stand in a freezing shower or a muggy sauna. So that is what we did. We alternated back and forth all night long. Kat slept for 30 min in the cold shower while I slept for 30 min in the hot bedroom. And then we switched. Back and forth. Miserable.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Man Vs. Wild
One a day for all of May...
Last night I found myself watching "Man vs. Wild," a delightfully insightful program on the Discovery Channel where a lone man (and camera crew) treks across the African Sahara with nothing but a knife. He gives you all of these survival tips as he goes - how to determine whether or not a carcass is safe to eat on, how to avoid being killed by hippos, how to find certain plants to burn for insect repellent at night, etc.. It was all very informative. And quite helpful....well, only if I ever happen to find myself alone in the middle of Africa with nothing but a knife (and a camera crew).
Last night I found myself watching "Man vs. Wild," a delightfully insightful program on the Discovery Channel where a lone man (and camera crew) treks across the African Sahara with nothing but a knife. He gives you all of these survival tips as he goes - how to determine whether or not a carcass is safe to eat on, how to avoid being killed by hippos, how to find certain plants to burn for insect repellent at night, etc.. It was all very informative. And quite helpful....well, only if I ever happen to find myself alone in the middle of Africa with nothing but a knife (and a camera crew).
Friday, May 04, 2007
Butter Organic Peanut
One a day for all of May...
Kathryn and I are getting into organic peanut butter, you know, the healthier, more expensive stuff that you have to stir each time you use it. But we are concerned as we head down this road. We are slowly becoming Peanut Butter Snobs, which means that we would not be able to partake of the other typical brands of pb (Jif, Peter Pan, Peanut Happiness, etc.) One problem with this particular brand of snobbery is denying yourself something so universal. Kathryn brought up a good point - "What if you are on a camping trip or something and for whatever reason, you can't eat the meat they are cooking, you know, it is too rubbery or something...And so they say, Ok, we'll just fix you a PB and J....what do you do then? You can't eat that either." I think she has a point. Becoming a peanut butter snob means that there may be a situation in life where you have to go hungry over returning to the generic, now-plastic-tasting, name-brands of peanut butter that don't require you to stir before every use.
Kathryn and I are getting into organic peanut butter, you know, the healthier, more expensive stuff that you have to stir each time you use it. But we are concerned as we head down this road. We are slowly becoming Peanut Butter Snobs, which means that we would not be able to partake of the other typical brands of pb (Jif, Peter Pan, Peanut Happiness, etc.) One problem with this particular brand of snobbery is denying yourself something so universal. Kathryn brought up a good point - "What if you are on a camping trip or something and for whatever reason, you can't eat the meat they are cooking, you know, it is too rubbery or something...And so they say, Ok, we'll just fix you a PB and J....what do you do then? You can't eat that either." I think she has a point. Becoming a peanut butter snob means that there may be a situation in life where you have to go hungry over returning to the generic, now-plastic-tasting, name-brands of peanut butter that don't require you to stir before every use.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Meaty Salt
One a day for all of May...
In Bible studies over Christians being "the salt of the earth," I have always, without exception, heard that "salt was used as a preservative." The Bible study leader makes some sort of remark like - "Because they didn't have refrigeration back then, they had to use salt to preserve their meat." I have never thought much about that. I always just assumed this was the case. But this morning, out of the blue, the questions were summoned. Ok - so did "they" just completely smear their meat with salt? And then did they let these salt-coated meat hunks just sit there in the sun all day? And what did this meat taste like when they did decide to cook it? Was it so unbearably salty? I can't see how it couldn't be. Eating meat back then must have been absolutely terrible. You better eat it when it is nice and fresh because if you decide to wait and eat it in a few days, your meat totally just got saltified nasty style. Gobs and gobs of salt. Mountains of salt. Tlas.
In Bible studies over Christians being "the salt of the earth," I have always, without exception, heard that "salt was used as a preservative." The Bible study leader makes some sort of remark like - "Because they didn't have refrigeration back then, they had to use salt to preserve their meat." I have never thought much about that. I always just assumed this was the case. But this morning, out of the blue, the questions were summoned. Ok - so did "they" just completely smear their meat with salt? And then did they let these salt-coated meat hunks just sit there in the sun all day? And what did this meat taste like when they did decide to cook it? Was it so unbearably salty? I can't see how it couldn't be. Eating meat back then must have been absolutely terrible. You better eat it when it is nice and fresh because if you decide to wait and eat it in a few days, your meat totally just got saltified nasty style. Gobs and gobs of salt. Mountains of salt. Tlas.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Obviously Oblivious
One a day for all of May...
Kathryn sometimes takes sleeping medication to aid in her sleeping. This morning she was reading the "Possible Side-Effects" on the prescription bottle. One read: "May cause drowsiness." She calmly said, "Wow, I sure hope so."
Kathryn sometimes takes sleeping medication to aid in her sleeping. This morning she was reading the "Possible Side-Effects" on the prescription bottle. One read: "May cause drowsiness." She calmly said, "Wow, I sure hope so."
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
May Madness Begins
Here we are. The first blog post of many more to come. One a day for all of May. That is the slogan. Absolute madness.
I am curious to know how all these boy bands got together. You know, N'Sync, Backstreet, 98 Degrees (terrible name), New Kids, Boyz II Men, etc. I am pretty sure they just got selected individually and grouped together by some upper ups in the music biz. But how did they select these guys? Did they drive around and do auditions - American Idol style? I never saw any advertisements for auditions in Dallas growing up that said - "Who wants to be in the next boy band?? Come audition for instant success!" So then I start thinking, maybe these guys were actually friends growing up. Somewhere out there is a group of buddies who are all attractive, musically talented, and they can all dance in unison. But even with that, I am curious to know how a group of guys par excellance ended up together on their own. Perhaps these questions can be characterized into the "age old" category...unless VH1 puts out a series called "How Boy Bands Became Boy Bands."
What a terrible start.
I am curious to know how all these boy bands got together. You know, N'Sync, Backstreet, 98 Degrees (terrible name), New Kids, Boyz II Men, etc. I am pretty sure they just got selected individually and grouped together by some upper ups in the music biz. But how did they select these guys? Did they drive around and do auditions - American Idol style? I never saw any advertisements for auditions in Dallas growing up that said - "Who wants to be in the next boy band?? Come audition for instant success!" So then I start thinking, maybe these guys were actually friends growing up. Somewhere out there is a group of buddies who are all attractive, musically talented, and they can all dance in unison. But even with that, I am curious to know how a group of guys par excellance ended up together on their own. Perhaps these questions can be characterized into the "age old" category...unless VH1 puts out a series called "How Boy Bands Became Boy Bands."
What a terrible start.
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